"I plan to give you love, nurturing, and just enough dysfunction to make you funny."
Moms. Mommies. Mamas. Motherhood. What a weighted powerful word. The very notion of squeezing another human being out of well, you know where i'm going is not for the faint of heart. i believe if you ask any mother on this earth, they would all agree that birthing the little beasts is actually the easy part. hands down. Raising these needy, obnoxious creatures, is a whole other story...
Yes, it is true. i. Am. A. Mean. Mom. Just ask my kids. i own it. spit. Proclaim it. Mean Mom Proud. Chest pump. While some of you probably just gasped, threw up a tad, started to judge, maybe this blog post ain't for you. If you just got chills. Keep reading. i see you. i get you. i am you. #Roar
Motherhood: Powered by love. Fueled by coffee. Sustained by wine.
What exactly constitutes a "Mean Mom". Well that my dear is the million dollar question. Answers obviously will vary depending on whom we ask. Teenagers, ha. (you don't get a say.) Other Mamas out there trying to survive this Motherhood Game is where we are going, so hold on darlin'. You may want to fasten your seatbelt.
TRUTH: noun. that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality. (thank you dear ol Webster, my go to friend)
Since when has "telling the truth" become such a vile act against humanity? I can't tell you how many times i am brutally honest only to get a quick response, "MOM! You're sooo Mean!" (and do i dare admit my sweet ol hubby, bless his heart, 9 times out of 10 agrees) geez. Why in the hell has Motherhood become a game we get to play with our children?
It isn't a game. It is some serious business. Actually the most important endeavor on this earth. It is our responsibility as "Moms" to band together. Lift each other up and encourage. Mark my words, we will win the war. They can not and will not break our Spirit. because YOU are not alone. We see you. We get you. We are you.
Mamas that tend to dance around the hard issues at hand, skirting problems, because they are too afraid of hurting princess's feelings or queen bee's, aka teenager, reign is screwing it up for the rest of us. There i said it. If princess is acting up and being obnoxious then princess needs to be dethroned. period. It ain't mean. It is a necessary evil. Making your entitled angel cry isn't a demerit on your part; it's a reward. A big, fat, shiny trophy. If i had a dollar bill for every time i made my children cry, or each time my emotional teens told me they hated me, i'd be on a yacht in Italy right now. Sadly, i am not. I'm too busy being mean. to my children.
i do admit, my delivery could be a tad softer. I'm known for my directness, dare i say boldness.
i am a warrior, not a healer. #TrueStory (much more on that subject at a later date) What's cool, is that is who i am. How God created me when it was my soul's turn. Guess what? My three children are all fully aware of this. They also know that if Mama is crying. i am pissed. Better run. i am not sad. (red lipstick and wire hangers, may or may not apply)
11 Truths every Mama should know.
- Your children ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. (if they are. gasp. i'll be your friend. please stop. stop it now. they need their "own friends" and you sadly, shouldn't be one of them! it ain't healthy for either of you, i promise. time to grow up sweet mama & get your own "adult friends". they can become your friend after they get a degree, and/or are living on their own. until then, you are #MeanMom)
- Every mother yells & loses it at times. (you will not go to hell. think of it as a rite of passage. means your normal and your kids are brats)
- Every mother has her "vice"- exercise, praying, running, yoga, wine, beer, xanax, apparently weed is currently on the rise, who knew? (no one vice is better than another. quit judging. we are all different)
- It's OK to want to run away. (we all dream of this. some much more than others. this is normal)
- Teenagers become aliens. (other words apply here too. it is ok to question & worry where precious bow-head went and who is this stranger that decided to replace her.)
- Your body will never be the same. (people will lie to you.)
- Your children will tell you over a million times they hate you. (they do not. stop crying. you are not a failure. this is quite normal. again #Brats)
- You are not a terrible mom if you don't cook. can't cook. if you are not "loving" every minute of diaper changes & snot wiping. it's also ok, if you gag. doesn't mean you are lucifer. (God gave you other gifts. go find them and use them. again, it's ok. we are all different.)
- Susie Homemaker is not real. (she is obsessing over pinterest ideas as you obsess over something else. like lack of clothing choices, weight gain, cash-ola $$$ etc. ALL are upset and/or melting down. again it's ok. we are all different. moral of the story, social media is ONLY a highlight reel babe; you are A-0K)
- It's ok to never want to have sex again. (this too shall pass & a normal feeling. Mamas who continuously brag they are gettin' it 5+ times a week are exaggerating. I'd bet my life on it. or they are taking drugs. which is fine too.)
- There is no manual or recipe card for Motherhood. (unfortunately we get to figure it out as we go along. mistakes, doubt, regret, sadness, & joy are all part of the journey.
Learn to enjoy the ride.
11 Truths every teenager should know.
- Rolling your eyes will cause blindness later on in life. (or eyes going cross from getting smacked on the head)
- No one will ever want to kiss you if you smack your food. (think sloppy spit, it's gross)
- Not flushing the toilet, nor washing toothpaste spit down the sink, will cause your tailbone to coil. (think pig, oink.)
- Gossiping will cause dementia later on in life. (and loss of bowels)
- Don't send nudies. (your daddy will see them. your mommy will print & place them on the fridge)
- Shower daily. (you stink, i promise)
- Don't be mean. (think a different tail & pitchfork)
- You don't know everything. (gasp. quit pretending you do. it's obnoxious)
- Social media is not your imaginary friend. (she isn't real. learn to talk again. you may drool at first)
- Being fake ain't cool. (the Jones' don't exist, nor do they live next door)
- No one is in charge of your happiness but YOU. (no boy, man, girl, woman, or the World owes you a damn thing. true story.)
"Good moms let you lick the beaters... Great moms turn them off first."
Mean Moms laugh when they forget.
Mean Moms will tell you if your friend is fake and using you. because we love you. Mean Moms will tell you if you eat the whole pan of brownies you will gain weight. because we love you. Mean Moms will tell you when something you are wearing isn't flattering. because we love you. Mean Moms will tell you when you're acting like a spoiled rotten brat. because we love you. Mean Moms will tell you, you're entitled and make you look up the meaning of the word. Mean Moms will tell you no, time and time again. because we love you. We will let you make mistakes and fall flat on your face, because we love you. Mean Moms will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Being a "Nice Mom" is beyond easy. It's actually our natural tendency. Helicopter parenting is so yesterday and disgusting. Time to rise up and take on motherhood by the horns ladies. No mother enjoys seeing their children suffer or in pain. No mother enjoys saying "NO" and following through with actual consequences. Being a "Mean Mom" isn't for the faint of heart.
It takes courage and grit. It is painful and hard. It is needed. Come hell or high water Mean Moms will make sure their children give back to society and make the world a better place. period.
In all seriousness, Motherhood is the greatest gift and the scariest. WE are all works in progress, including Mamas.
WE love you enough to let you fail. WE love you enough to let you fall. WE love you enough to let you experience life and grow. WE are your biggest cheerleaders & your greatest fans. WE will be the first ones there to pick you up and dust you off and give you unconditional love. WE won't dare say, "I told you so". There will be no need. because you will already know, and so will we. Mission accomplished. A diamond only becomes a diamond through high temperatures, pressure, and stress: the very meaning- unconquerable and indestructible. Everyone wants to be a diamond, my darling, but very few are willing to get cut.
Children are the heartbeat of the World. They give us breath. Change a woman, you change a child. Change a child, you change the World. (BAM's mission statement)
Truth is truth. and I am going to tell you the truth no matter how hard or painful it is. I will be your beacon of light in this dark world, your rock. your anchor. Why?
because I am a Mean Mom.
and I love you.
Share if you agree!
YOU will win in the end, wait and see.
(you also have permission to go ahead and say "I told you so" if it makes you feel better. you've definitely earned your stripes warrior.) wink.